Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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