But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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