dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
