Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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