ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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