i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize