he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
