Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
