Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
