I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
