just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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