The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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