How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
