she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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