A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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