Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
