So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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