Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize