i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
