there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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