That's intense
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize