Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
