he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
