A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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