Pappa wants mamma naked
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
