did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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