it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
