I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
