the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
