You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
