I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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