She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
