mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
