This girl is more easily done than said...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
