May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
