I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
