May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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