By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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