What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Farmville is her only friend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
