So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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