I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My life is pants optional.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
