Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
