Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
