Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
