i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
