first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
