He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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