I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
