I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
