NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
