his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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