oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
