and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
should my penis look like a turkey
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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