Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it because I queefed?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
