why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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