you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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