white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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