You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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