Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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