You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
