Don't make out with my wife yet
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
