Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
