we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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