I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
